Marriage Support for Special Needs Families [Interview]

An Interview with Joe and Cindi Ferrini 

Marriages often struggle with the significant challenges that come with raising a special needs child.

Joe and Cindi Ferrini have been there—and are making it work.

This interview will encourage you in your marriage as Joe and Cindi balance serious topics with much-needed humor. We discuss commitment, good choices, adaptation and acceptance, divorce, dependence on biblical truth, and the importance of a Spirit-filled life.  

Your special needs family doesn’t have to erode your marriage. Joe and Cindi are proof that you can make it stronger.

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Interview Questions

1. What are some common marital challenges when raising a special needs loved one?
2. How do you manage family time and fun in the midst of trying to cope as individuals and as a couple?
3. Joe, what advice do you have for fathers or male caregivers?
4. What are some things couples can do to move forward with success?
5. What are some key points couples must focus on?
6. What passages of Scripture do you use to encourage others?
7. When marriages are struggling—or if there is a divorce—what guidance do you recommend?
8. How does your relationship with the Lord strengthen your marriage?

Joe and Cindi Ferrini have been married for 33 years and have three grown children and two grandchildren. They speak nationally with Family Life’s “Weekend to Remember,” and they have appeared as guests on Family Life Today and Focus on the Family. 

Joe and Cindi host the broadcast, Marriage Matters—a fun and informative five-minute radio spot that airs Monday mornings at 6:05 and 8:05 AM.

Their book, Unexpected Journey: When Special Needs Change Our Course, weaves their story about raising their special needs son as well as caring for their aging parents.  

For You

Questions: What did you find helpful from the video? What are some issues for which you would like to have more direction or support? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Recommended Resources

To connect with Joe and Cindi—or to find more information about their resources, books, blogs, and speaking engagements—you can connect with them in the following ways:

• Broadcast: My Marriage Matters
• Facebook: My Marriage Matters
  
• Web: joeferrini.com or cindiferrini.com

Books by Joe and/or Cindi:

• Unexpected Journey: When Special Needs Change Our Course
• Balancing the Active Life: A Bible Study
• Get it Together: An Organizational Planner
• Tis the Season: A “Less Stress” Christmas Planner

Insight for Living Suggested Resources

DVDs by Charles R. Swindoll:

• Family Matters: Investing in the Things That Last
  

MP3 Instant Downloads by Charles R. Swindoll:

• Family Matters: Investing in the Things That Last
• Life Lessons Just for Women
• Getting through the Tough Stuff of Divorce  

Star Charts

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

Charts are everywhere.

We have navigational charts, weather charts, score charts, charts for accomplishing tasks, and charts for measuring progress.

When my kids were little, I would make “chore” charts. When the chore was accomplished, a shiny star sticker was put on the chart . . . and they’d receive two stars if their attitudes were good in the process.

It all worked well until . . . until I had a child whose abilities were not measurable and progress was documented by physicians, specialists, and educational experts . . . who don’t have star charts. I had to learn a new way to celebrate his strengths and accomplishments, which began with my examination of what Christ views as important. Adjusting to my son’s special needs was a humble awakening for me.

Actually, it was more like being hit in the head, but about six inches lower, a straight shot into my soul.

I realized that somewhere in humanity’s becoming, we learn to be “human doings” instead of “human beings.”

Joni & Ken: An Untold Love Story [Interview]

An Interview with Ken and Joni Eareckson Tada

In less than a minute, life can change forever. For Joni, in less than one minute, a dive into shallow water decades ago resulted in quadriplegia for the rest of her life.

For Joni and Ken, in less than one minute, the words “stage 3 breast cancer” rang through their ears. What’s more, most minutes of Joni’s life are filled with acute, almost unbearable chronic pain.

Marriage vows include the tough words like: “in sickness and in health . . . for better or for worse.” Realities such as these pull and strain at a marriage. Ken and Joni have endured sickness, poor health, despair, emotional weariness, depression, and marital strain.

Their lives and words offer hope to all of us. Click play to watch the video.

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Ken and Joni show us we must choose—in sickness or health, able or disabled—our attitudes and responses to what life tosses our way.

Their example of clinging to passages such as 2 Corinthians 4:7-12 and 1 Samuel 16:7, singing hymns of praise, and choosing to trust that God is sovereign in the midst of massive challenges will encourage you, empower you, and equip you with greater hope.

Sanctuaries

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

It was a misty morning in a small, out-of-the-way English countryside village.

Hanging flower baskets, timeworn cafes, and antiquated shops lined the cobblestone streets. The town was packed with old bookstores in which dusty, leather-bound or linen-wrapped books were piled from floor to ceiling. Some of the books’ bindings had been repaired with old tape. Some books were secured by twine or fastened with rusty old locks.

I felt smarter surrounded by these ancient tomes.

As I sat on narrow stools and cement floors in these shops, I found works written by Luther, Spurgeon, Thomas Aquinas, St. Teresa of Avila, and St. John of the Cross. I cherished the simple way in which these great theologians wrote about doctrine and spiritual discipline.

One of my favorite places on earth, I spent a few days in that old town, and it became a sanctuary that I will always treasure and that I can always return to in my memory.

In your busy world, do you have any sanctuaries—places where your soul can meditate on and rest in the simple truths of God’s Word?

Here's why you need one.

Homework

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

Homework . . . need I say more?

It had been one of those days, and endeavoring to help my son Jon with his homework was not on the top of my “want-to-do” list. He was tired. I was more than cranky.

The combination was not going to provide a successful outcome . . . and it didn’t.

While I was trying to multitask, cooking dinner and sorting mail, Jon was anxiously attempting to do his homework on his own. I glanced over, only to see his red, sweaty face bent down, his hand gripping the pencil tightly.

His silent expression said it all: I feel defeated, and I cannot do this on my own. Instant conviction covered my soul. I had been a selfish jerk.

Finding Hope When Life Feels Impossible [Interview]

An Interview with Amy Robertson

Life is full of ups and downs we never expected. For some, the surprising twists and turns change everything about life. It even seems impossible.

Amy Robertson understands challenges, change, and choices in the midst of unbearable pain.

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When Amy Robertson’s youngest son, Dustin, was diagnosed with severe autism just before he turned 3, life was difficult.

When Dustin turned 11, the difficult turned into utter despair.

The good news is that God was faithful to bring Amy and her family through the difficult decision of placing Dustin in a group home. Amy’s authentic message of despair, acceptance, surrender, grief, and choices is saturated with truth, comfort, and the amazing hope provided by our faithful God.

We all encounter a crisis or event that appears impossible to endure and demands we choose to walk by faith. If you find yourself in a place of darkness, despair, or doubt, Amy’s story will offer an abundance of encouragement and hope.

Interview Questions

Here are some of the questions we talked through in our interview.

1. What kind of an experience has this been for your family?
2. How did this affect Dustin’s siblings?
3. What were Dustin’s behaviors when young and then as he got older?
4. When his behaviors changed, how did that affect your relationship with God?
5. What was the transition like when you moved Dustin to his home?
6. How did Dustin’s move affect his brothers and your family life?
7. What passages of Scripture or simple truths helped you press on?

For You

Question: What is your impossible situation? How has it affected your relationship with God? You can leave a comment by clicking here.

Recommended Resources

Books by Charles R. Swindoll

• Perfect Trust
• The Prayers of Charles R. Swindoll, vol. 1-2
• Destiny: Choosing to Change the Course of Your Life

CD Series by Charles R. Swindoll

• Encouraging Words for Discouraging Days (4 CD series)

MP3 Instant Downloads by Charles R. Swindoll

• Timely Reminders of God’s Sovereignty
• What Job Teaches Us about Our God
• What Job Teaches Us about Ourselves

Despite Your Circumstances

by Charles R. Swindoll

Few people in the first century had a deeper understanding of God’s grace than the apostle Paul. Redeemed from a life of vicious brutality as a rigid legalistic Pharisee, the man turned the corner, repented, and through Christ’s empowering became a gentle soul, gracious and affirming. Understanding. Forgiving. Approachable. He reached the place where he was willing not only to offer hope to the Gentiles, but to live among them, though he himself would bleed pure Jewish blood.

No one that I know endured the level of hardship Paul did as a good soldier of Christ. What makes him all-the-more amazing is this: never once does he leave a hint of complaint over being chained to a burly Roman soldier or about the inconvenience of being confined to such cramped quarters. The man simply would not grumble. By God’s grace, he lived above it all. I repeat, he had learned the secret of contentment.

The great temptation is to allow that to embitter you—to turn you into someone who lives under a dark cloud, where doom and gloom characterize your outlook. Life’s hard. You live in a situation that resembles a house arrest. You feel chained to your past, unable to escape the restrictive circumstances. Maybe you’ve lived this way so long that negative thinking has become a habit. You can’t imagine thinking any other way.

I’ve got wonderful news: there is hope beyond your circumstances. You can live above them. If a man named Paul could live above his unbelievably trying circumstances, so can you. But Christ must become your central focus. He, alone, can empower you and teach you to live above the duress of adversity. Your external circumstances may not change, but deep within, you will. As Christ is allowed first place in your thoughts, changes will occur. Those changes will be evident to your mate, your children, your friends, and your coworkers. Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, you will begin to realize a strength that is not your own. The result? You will make a difference because of the way you respond to the circumstances that once defeated you. To the people closest to you, your contentment despite your circumstances will be nothing short of heroic.

Cling to hope! Focus on Christ, despite your circumstances.

 

Taken from Charles R. Swindoll, “Despite Your Circumstances,” in Great Days with the Great Lives (Nashville: W Publishing, 2005), 335. Copyright © 2005 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

The Question

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

Some questions are priceless. The other day, someone asked me when am I most proud of Jon, my son with disabilities. I quietly pondered. In this world of ours, most parents could quickly provide plenty of pride-filled moments: blue ribbons, being the star athlete, social recognition, good grades, good looks, or a bit of charm. All of these qualities can make parents feel proud. There is nothing wrong with awards and accolades, yet there is something wrong when such praises define what makes a parent proud.

My List
There was a time when some of the attributes listed above would have answered the question. But in raising Jon, I have evaluated what is most important; finding what I am most proud of is rarely measurable or defined by social standards.

Here is my answer to her question. I am most proud of Jon when I observe . . .

• His effort to form his first four-word sentence, “I love you, Mommy” . . . at age 3
• His courage to go to school each day, knowing he will be ignored or made fun of
• His resolve to play a game, even though he’s been picked last and knows he won’t win
• His patience as he works to tie his shoes each day
• His endurance of painful tics and sore muscles
• His devotion to others, despite their rejection or betrayal
• His spiritual sensitivity . . . saying “let’s pray” every time we see an accident on the road
• His authenticity in sharing his thoughts and feelings without shame
• His acceptance of others, regardless of what they can do or how they look
• His genuine care for others

Christ’s Words
I often return to Christ’s words in Matthew chapter 5:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit . . . those who mourn . . . the meek . . . those who hunger and thirst for righteousness . . . the merciful . . . the pure in heart . . . the peacemakers . . . those who are persecuted because of righteousness. . . . Blessed are you when people insult you . . . and falsely say all kinds of evil against you. . . . Great is your reward in heaven.” (Matthew 5:3–12 NIV)

What Are You Proud Of?
How would you answer the question? Are you proud of what can be measured or accomplished, feeling like a failure if you struggle with an addiction, weakness, pain, or a disability?

Let Me Hear from You
I would love to hear your thoughts as you ponder what you are really proud of.

Robby

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

My dad told this story in a sermon a long time ago. It’s a heartwarming urban legend, so I’m passing it along in a way similar to how Christ taught using stories, or parables, in Scripture. Parables are story-like word pictures that contain powerful life lessons many of us can remember with ease. May the lessons of this story of a young boy and his piano teacher remain fixed in our minds for the rest of our lives.

A certain piano teacher had never thought of turning away a student until she met Robby. Robby was the only child of a single mom, and at age 11 seemed “musically challenged,” to put it lightly. He worked harder than any of her other students but appeared to make little musical progress. However, he had an incredible attitude and would say after each session, “My mom’s gonna hear me play someday.”

Then suddenly, Robby stopped showing up for his lessons; his teacher was relieved and chose not to call when the piano recital they had been working toward was a week away. Before each recital, she mailed the flyers to the families of her students, forgetting Robby was still on the list. He called immediately and pleaded with her, insistent that he play. He had missed the lessons because his mother had become so sick, but he told her that he had still been practicing every day. Because Robby wouldn’t take no for an answer, the teacher listed him last on the recital program. Believing his performance would be poor, she hoped to cover it with some good closing remarks.

Robby showed up on time that night, but his clothes were wrinkled and his hair was a mess. Additionally, he had chosen a difficult piece to play—Mozart’s Concerto #21 in C major; his teacher knew it would be a disaster. Robby approached the bench calm and composed. He began to play, and the audience was silent as his fingers danced over each key. No one seemed to notice his hair or clothing; the music filled the gymnasium with wordless wonder. Upon hearing the crescendo, the audience jumped to its feet bursting in applause.

Wiping her tears, Robby’s teacher ran to the piano and praised Robby for his performance. Kindly, Robby took the microphone and reminded his teacher what he said after each practice: “Someday, my mom’s gonna hear me play.” Then he continued, “Remember how I told you my mother was very sick . . . well, she had cancer and died this morning; she was born deaf, so today she heard me play for the very first time and I wanted to make it special.”

As with the piano teacher, we all are given opportunities to learn from people like Robby. For whatever reason, something tragic happens when we overlook others because of their wrinkled clothes, messy hair, or lack of measurable or impressive work; we miss some of life’s greatest lessons taught by some of life’s wisest people.

I can assure you that most of what I write is connected in some way to great lessons I’ve learned from my disabled son, Jon. He is a gift to this world, and there are “Jons” everywhere.

Let Me Hear from You
If you have ever had a Robby experience, will you please share it with me?

Acceptance

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

There was nothing simple about my friend’s situation. One of her three sons was diagnosed with severe autism at age 11; his world and his parents’ world flipped upside down. For reasons only the Lord knows, his behaviors became aggressive, dangerous, and terrifying. For over a year they tried everything, prayed, tried more of everything, and then prayed more. Nothing worked. For everyone’s safety, they had to place their son in a special home. What parent would ever expect to face such a choice?

Their experience happened years ago, and the grass is now much greener around their home. By God’s grace and direction, they found a wonderful home specifically suited for such grave challenges. It is a miraculous story. At the time, nothing miraculous could be seen. In the grief of it all, one pivotal decision made all the difference.

It was the decision to accept what God had allowed.

• In acceptance, there is surrender—a letting go that swallows up grief and sorrow.
• Acceptance means we take responsibility for what is happening, pray harder than ever, and listen for God’s direction.
• Acceptance is a significant part of faith.
• Acceptance is the giving up of the right to have your questions answered by God.
• Acceptance is the giving up any attempt to get God’s stamp of approval on your 10-year life-plan.

Many unknowns remain as believers seek God’s direction, choose to make wise decisions, and trust Him with the ragged edges of life.

One author writes:

Acceptance

It’s in grief’s darkest hours when
We really need to know
That only in acceptance can
New hope begin to grow.

Acceptance when it finally comes
Begins to bring relief
As healing hope renews our souls
And strengthens our belief—

Light can emerge from darkness when
Acceptance shows its face,
As we allow ourselves to heal
Through God’s own love and grace.¹

God’s Grace Is Sufficient
I’m guessing my friend is not the only person who has had to accept an apparently impossible challenge. She tried everything, and even prayer didn’t seem to move God into action—until she accepted her circumstances and let go. God waits for us to let go, to accept what’s happening, to stop and listen for His direction, and to follow His lead by faith.

If you could see my friend’s family today, you would be amazed. Her son, now almost 20, is happy and settled in his home. Her husband and two other boys are enjoying family life as they never expected. They chose to walk by faith, and God’s grace continues to be sufficient.

Hope from God’s Word
Here are some verses that help me to accept difficulty and trust God.

He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV)

My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be moved.
In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God. (Psalm 62:5–7 NKJV)

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.” (Isaiah 43:2)

Let Me Hear from You
If you make the choice to accept something you have been fighting, will you let me know? I would love to hear from you and pray for you in the weeks and months ahead. Because of faith, this year could change your life.

 

1. Hilda Lachney Sanderson, “Acceptance,” in Comfort Prayers, ed. June Cotner Graves (Kansas City, Mo.: Andrews McMeel, 2004), 49.