One Step at a Time

by Michael Woods

adapted by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

Don Bennett was on top of the world. He was wealthy; he owned a ranch, an eight-bedroom waterfront home on Mercer Island, and a ski chalet. Life was good, until everything changed. A boating accident resulted in Don losing his right leg; and while he was in the hospital, his business fell to pieces.

After his recovery, he became determined to do something that he had never done before: climb the 14,411-foot Mt. Rainier. With a team of four others, Don began a grueling one-year training regimen, and on July 15, 1982, he and his team began the climb. He climbed for four days, 13 hours a day, sometimes hopping, sometimes crawling up the incline on one leg. On July 18, 1982, Don Bennett touched the top . . . the first amputee ever to summit Mt. Rainier.

Don Bennett accomplished his goal because he identified one essential need: he had to have a support team. His dedicated, dependable, devout support team cared for his needs by helping him remain healthy, find support resources, and learn new skills, and by providing him counseling when he struggled.

God didn’t create us to live independently. This truth is clearly revealed when we are required to care for loved ones who have significant needs. In times like these, we must live interdependently . . . first by having Christ as Lord of our lives, then by humbly accepting the fact that we need one another to help us climb the mountains life places in our path.

Using the caregiving requirements of those with significant needs as our example, teamwork involves these four essentials:

1. Family and friends—Those who are closest to you can serve as your extended eyes, hands, and legs to help you get things done.

2. A general medical doctor—Find a doctor who has professional knowledge about your care-receiver’s special needs, such as autism, Down syndrome, dementia, and so on. Make sure he or she understands your child’s or dependent parent’s needs and is genuinely compassionate about your loved one’s condition. Remember, you are your loved one’s advocate. You want a capable and caring doctor on your team. Nothing less.

3. Training and support—There are a variety of excellent resource organizations that can provide educational materials, listings of support groups, caregiver resources—including information about after-school or adult-daycare programs—respite services, upcoming caregiver events, conferences, webinars, and links to a variety of further helps and supports.

4. The Internet—You’re going to want to do some “continuing education” online to learn all you can about the specific needs of the person you care for. Also, online support communities are priceless. Finding other folks who have similar circumstances as yours can provide a connection others can’t understand.¹

 

Michael Woods, M.A., is a single parent of three boys with autism, founder of Relational Crisis Prevention, contributing author of the Web site Special Needs Ministry, speaker, writer, and the administrator of the Facebook page Making Room.

Relational Crisis Prevention
http://relationalcrisisprevention.com/about/

Special Friends Ministry
http://specialneedsministry.org/

 

Note
1. Adapted from Michael Woods, “The Top 5 Ingredients of a Good Support Team,” Relational Crisis Prevention, http://relationalcrisisprevention.com/2011/07/11/you-cant-do-it-alone/, accessed September 26, 2011.

An Advocate

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

When I read this, I thought of you and all of us who care for loved ones in need.

An Advocate
by Charles R. Swindoll

Job is portrayed as “blameless, upright, fearing God, and turning away from evil” (Job 1:1) . . . and yet the bottom drops out of his world. He loses everything except his life and his wife.

The man’s misery knew no bounds.

Finally . . . there was no place to look but up; however, even then he felt shut out. He longed to approach God and pour out his woes, but the heavens were brass. Nothing. But. Silence.

What did Job need? An advocate . . . someone who could stand in his stead and represent him. The broken man wished for someone who would understand his predicament, take up his cause, and argue his case. Because he had no advocate, he felt hopeless and helpless, defenseless and depressed.

Victims need advocates. Often, those who are objects of abuse lack the courage or the ability to protect themselves. How important it is for others to come alongside and be their mouthpiece—to actually speak for them!

An advocate is someone who has authority—someone who will be heard and respected, where we would be ignored. The more passionate and complicated the issue, the more vital our need for a qualified go-between. Someone to carry our torch. Someone who understands the issues and is able to articulate the salient points of the argument.

Do you know someone who needs an advocate? Are you willing to step into that role?

A Note from Colleen: Caring for a dependent or disabled loved one means you are already an advocate. You determine what’s best, your love knows no bounds, and you’re there when that person needs someone to stand up for his or her needs. It’s a very tough responsibility, but it’s a necessary act of love.

I want you to know that I want to be an advocate for you! I care about you; I desire to encourage and empower you to be wise, to be steadfast, to be responsible, and to press through difficulties with respect for yourself and others.

Let’s press on together with grace and truth!

Back to School

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

It’s back-to-school time! I’m guessing some parents (including me) are delighted, and most kids are disappointed. Kids tend to ask lots of questions before school begins: “Will I be riding the bus?” “Who is my teacher?” “Are the kids nice?” “Do I wear regular clothes or a uniform?” But kids don’t ask questions just about school. I recently came across some very funny questions and comments from kids about God.
Here are a few:

1. Dear God: In Sunday school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation? —Jane
2. Dear God: Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. —Joyce
3. Dear God: My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha. —Danny
4. Dear God: I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only four people in our family, and I can never do it. —Nan
5. Dear God: We read that Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday school they said You did it. So I bet he stole your idea. —Donna

Today, going to school is more complicated than it used to be—more bullying, disrespectfulness, anger, emotional problems, blame, and excuses. For the students with disabilities, school is often an unprotected and painful place.

Because my son is a student with noticeable disabilities, I ask the Lord many questions. My questions include:

1. Lord, I’m terrified he will be bullied again. Will you calm my spirit and protect my son?
2. Lord, will you bring aid to help him when he cannot do things on his own?
3. Lord, will you please give him strength when he is exhausted?
4. Lord, he doesn’t have friends; I grieve when I see him alone on the playground. Will you bring him a friend?

Maybe you have questions too. You can call on our Savior for help. He has not forgotten you. He is leading you, so walk by faith no matter how difficult it is. When your faith falters, He understands. We ask Him to guide us through our unbelief. I promise you, He answers every time. Meditate on the following verses of Scripture:

“The steadfast mind You will keep in perfect peace,
Because he trusts in you.” (Isaiah 26:3)

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
Will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the LORD, “My refuge and my fortress,
My God, in whom I trust.” (Psalm 91:1–2)

If I should say, “My foot has slipped,”
Your lovingkindness, O LORD, will hold me up.
When my anxious thoughts multiply within me,
Your consolations delight my soul. (94:18–19)

 

Other Resources:

1. Special Words for Special People: Offering Grace to the Weary by Charles R. Swindoll (CD or MP3)
2. Hope for the Hurting by Insight for Living (LifeMaps book)
3. “Hope Beyond Our Trials: ‘When Through Fiery Trials . . .’” from the series Insights on 1 Peter: Hope Again: When Life Hurts and Dreams Fade by Charles R. Swindoll (CD or MP3)
4. Same Lake, Different Boat: Coming alongside People Touched by Disability by Stephanie O. Hubach

Most Blessed

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

Courage is not natural to one’s character. But it can appear when a person is forced to face fears and depend on Christ. My suffering with a disability has cultivated within me courageous character. I am blessed.

My struggle with being misunderstood because of my disability has cultivated within me grace and mercy. I am blessed.

Being hearing impaired has caused me many sorrows. Yet, I am able to hear God’s voice without distraction. I am blessed.

Those who are visually impaired cannot see God’s creation—the beauty of nature, the joy of a smile, the sadness of a tear, the fascination of colors, nor the uniqueness of another person. However, my perspective, my imagination, and my need to touch reach to the core of my soul. I am blessed.

People who suffer with pain or disabilities depend on others. Over time, this has revealed my pride, transforming and humbling my character. I am blessed.

I know my disability might cause others to feel awkward, uncomfortable, and even fearful. Yet, because of this distance, I am vastly aware of God’s presence. I am blessed.

The parking sign for the disabled that hangs in every lot bothers many non-disabled people, but they may miss the wonderful truth that Christ welcomes us all to the throne of grace, which is never far away. I am blessed.

Most people who suffer or are disabled need help each day to do what most people do without thinking. In this dependent state, I am deeply connected to all God’s promises for those who depend on Him. I am blessed.

Few disabilities are curable, yet because of my struggle, I am acquainted with humanity’s broken condition and not bound by shame or fear. As a result, my soul is filled with authentic freedom and God’s unconditional acceptance. I am blessed.

The challenges I face in this life have allowed me to recognize how profoundly I am blessed by Jesus Christ, my Savior and Lord.

Yes, I am most blessed.

Creatures of Habit

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

I am definitely a creature of habit, and maybe you are too. A habit provides a sense of security and simplicity. Studies show that with persistence and patience a habit can be created in about 30 days.

However, sometimes we have harmful habits that hinder our spiritual growth. Consider for a moment what you believe about other people. Do you set certain conditions that must be met before you will accept others? Do you reject or judge others based upon their appearance, mannerisms, attendance or involvement in church, how their children behave?

I recently surveyed a few people who live with chronic pain, are divorced, are depressed, have an invisible disability, or are grieving the loss of a loved one. I asked them to comment on how they are treated by professing Christians. I’m going to be candid here: 99 percent replied they have been rejected, judged, or looked down upon because they didn’t “fit in.” The pain from such judgment has caused almost all of these folks to stop interacting with other Christians.

As creatures of habit, where you sit in church is vastly important. Why? Well, one out of every two people have some sort of disabling condition, meaning someone to your right or left will most likely fit this description. That is tough to swallow until we highlight some great news. We may be creatures of habit, but our habits don’t have to be set in concrete. We can choose to form new habits. And if we start developing habits based on biblical truths rather than personal preference, revolutionary changes can happen within the Christian body!

Below is a list of the top three relational needs reported by people who suffer from a disabling condition. Next to each need is a biblical truth as to how to respond. The third column lists habits we need to develop. I urge you to examine the need, seek to learn God’s direction from His Word, and then create habits which put truth into action. Being a creature of habit is great, if the habit is grounded in God’s timeless truth.

Challenges of Siblings

(Part 3 of 3)

How the Church Ministry Can Help Siblings
of Special-Needs Kids

Would you like to minister to the siblings of a special-needs family but don’t know where to start? The Internet has plenty of great resources for help in researching and shaping an outreach ministry at your church that’s tailored to their needs. Here are a few:

 

Sibling Support in the United States

Sibshops is the most significant organization for supporting special-needs siblings. This international sibling support organization desires to increase the number of programs and helps to special-needs siblings, to make others aware of  sibling needs and to provide specific information for local programs and parent groups. This is an invaluable resource for church ministries. Find it online at http://www.siblingsupport.org 

Disability Scoop was developed by professional journalists who saw the need for a central, reliable source of information within the special-needs community. And as the sister of an adult with autism, Michelle Diament, cofounder of Disability Scoop, knows firsthand the issues that families, caregivers, and people with disabilities face every day. At Disability Scoop, www.disabilityscoop.com, you will find articles gathered from across the Web as well as original content.

Across the United States, chapters of The Arc work tirelessly on behalf of children and adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Committed to families’ concerns, The Arc can provide you with support and information on how to help siblings of special-needs children lead a dignified life. The Arc can also connect you with excellent programs such as Sibling Support network, SibNet, Sibling Support Project, and the Sibshops group. Connect with these at http://www.thearc.org/siblingsupport 

New Horizon Kids Quest is another fantastic organization designed to help siblings and families. Located at New Horizon Kids Quest, 16355 36th Avenue North, Suite #700, Plymouth, Minnesota 55446 1-800-941-1007 or 763-557-1111, they offer programming, personal training, legal expertise, and much more.

Family Village: An international community directed as a Disability-Related Resource, this organization offers a comprehensive Web site (www.familyvillage.wisc.edu) that “integrates information, resources, and communication opportunities on the Internet for persons with cognitive and other disabilities, for their families, and for those that provide them services and support.”

The Sibling Connection targets siblings who have experienced the death of a brother or sister. Find them online at http://www.counselingstlouis.net 

Band-Aides and Blackboards offers empathy and advice for kids who have medical problems—and for their siblings. Visit http://www.lehman.cuny.edu/faculty/jfleitas/bandaides 

 

Sibling Support Efforts outside the United States

• Sibsupport.nz—New Zealand
• Siblings Australia, Inc. (www.siblingsaustralia.org.au)
• Sibs—United Kingdom (www.sibs.org.uk)
• Yasuko Arima’s Web page about sibling support in Japan
• Italian Sibling Group (www.siblings.it)

Celebrating 20 Years of the Americans with Disabilities Act

Today we're celebrating 20 years of the Americans with Disabilities Act, also known as the ADA. 

You will find a great deal of information here, including ways to connect to support systems, news, feeds, and groups. Enjoy!

If you have any questions . . . or a story to share, I would love to hear it! 

You all have great experiences and ideas; please post your thoughts.

Challenges of Siblings

(Part 2 of 3)

How You Can Help Siblings of Special-Needs Kids

Siblings of a special-needs child are greatly affected by the shift their family must make. Many times they feel left out, confused, isolated, and unable to find a place to freely express their struggles. Here are 10 very simple ways you can help kids who have a disabled brother or sister:

1. Listen without criticizing them, judging them, or telling them how to feel.
2. Attend their sporting events.
3. Assist with their transportation needs.
4. Take them to the movies, the mall, or any place they enjoy that’s away from the house.
5. Engage with them in their favorite hobby.
6. Ask their parents how the sibling(s) are doing.
7. Celebrate their accomplishments at school or at church.
8. Send them funny cards and encouraging notes through the mail.
9. Offer to help them with school projects and extended assignments.
10. Play. Take a walk or a run; lift weights; play board games; offer creative expression by coloring, drawing, sketching, and painting together; get outside; or provide laughter.

Challenges of Siblings

(Part 1 of 3)

Most Commonly Reported Challenges of Siblings of Special-Needs Children

Many siblings struggle when their brother or sister carries a disability. Challenges arise unexpectedly. Parents are often unsure how to provide help and guidance. The first step to helping the siblings of special-needs children involves knowing where to look for the most common challenges. Here are the top ten:

1. Neglected: Siblings often yearn for their parents' time and attention because of the consuming demands brought on by their disabled brother or sister.
2. Confused or left out: When parents and healthcare providers don’t inform siblings about the diagnosis or what it means, it can lead siblings to feel forgotten and bewildered.
3. Isolated: Peers don’t relate to siblings’ uncommon circumstances. Often, siblings spend more time at home alone and are left with no outlet for sharing their concerns and questions.
4. Worried: Siblings worry about the long-term needs and provision of care for their brother or sister if parents are not available. Also, when the home environment changes, anxiety can set in.
5. Fearful: Some brothers and sisters fear that their sibling’s challenges are contagious, that the special need could be passed to other children in the future. They also become fearful at the presence of disorder and emotional intensity in family members and are afraid that they won’t know how to talk or play with their sibling,
6. Internalized pressure: With the disability of a sibling, brothers and sisters often feel the need to perform well or to be high achievers.
7. Resentful: Resentment often occurs in light of the increased time and attention given to their sibling.
8. Guilt: Some siblings feel guilty when enjoying the things in life that their special-needs sibling will never enjoy.
9. Angry: Anger can fester when a special-needs sibling is excused from regular discipline and responsibilities in the home or at school.
10. Long-term: Other problems that might crop up over the long-term include: emotional disturbances, identity problems, unresolved grief, and physical problems due to internalized emotions.

The Three-Second Pause

by Charles R. Swindoll

The exercise of this discipline called self-control prevents desire from becoming a dictator. For the person without Christ, the desires dictate and he or she obeys. Those in Christ, living under the authority of His Spirit and ruled by Him, are able to defy this once-powerful dictator. As a result, we experience a transforming change that others notice.

As for the tongue, we exercise verbal restraint. Where our diet is concerned, we exercise restraint at the dinner table. (And I leave the ice cream in the freezer!) Pertaining to the temper, we exercise emotional restraint. As it relates to our thoughts, we exercise mental restraint. In terms of sexual lust, we exercise moral restraint. All of us have areas that tempt us more than others, so we must give ourselves over to the Spirit’s authority. He steps in and empowers us to hold back before we take steps to satisfy our impulse or our desire.

Let’s get practical. I have found that a three-second pause can make all the difference. Just as an impulse hits me, I decide to wait just three seconds before taking any action. During that pause, I do a quick assessment of what the consequences might be. Would this action be something that I would be embarrassed about later? Not all impulses are bad; some are good. Those three seconds have kept me out of a lot of hot water over the years.*

A Note from Colleen: Pausing instead of reacting is one of the initial steps of living an authentic life. I referred to this process as “becoming real” in last week’s blog. In difficult situations, instead of responding quickly, pause a few moments in order to consider choosing a different, better response. During this pause, recall what “becoming real” looks like, and offer a genuine reply.

*Adapted from Charles R. Swindoll, The Strength of Character: 7 Essential Traits of a Remarkable Life (Nashville: J. Countryman, 2007), 34-35. Copyright © 2007 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc.