Illumination

by Colleen Swindoll Thompson

Some feelings are universal. At some point, we have all felt happy and hopeful; yet, we have all felt disappointed and distressed. We long for happiness and pursue pleasures. However, when pain enters, disillusionment and despair invade our lives. We fight for relief, looking for ways to fix or avoid painful situations. Some of us try to deny the pain or dodge it altogether. Possibly, you are in a place of sorrow, attempting to find a means of escape or relief, and nothing is working. The prophet Jeremiah and King David are two examples of men who endured downcast souls—hearts without hope in the presence of a God without a face. Yet, these two men made several choices to lift up their souls—choices you and I can make as well. They demonstrated courage, endurance, and a willingness to faithfully follow God, regardless of the cost. They chose to surrender to the Lord’s will, to seek the Lord’s Word, and to rely on the Lord’s tender mercies.

When my soul is downcast, I remember the penetrating words of one author, quoted in an earlier post but one that bears repeating:

Whatever you use to keep the pain at bay robs you of the flecks and nuggets of gold that feeling grief will give you. A fixation can keep you nicely defined and give you the illusion that your life has not fallen apart. But since your life may indeed have fallen apart, the illusion won’t hold up forever, and if you are . . . brave, you will be willing to bear disillusion. You begin to cry and writhe and yell and then to keep on crying; and then, finally, grief ends up giving you the two best things: softness and illumination.¹

One of the best illustrations of how God uses pain to soften and illuminate our lives is found in Galatians. Paul described his personal story. For years, Paul was a persecutor of Christians. However, by God’s grace, He sent Paul to the Arabian desert, where the apostle spent three years (Galatians 1:17–18). We know little about what happened during those years of isolation, but we know God transformed Paul from a persecutor of the faith to a servant of the faith. When Paul presented himself to the leaders of the church in Jerusalem, many didn’t know him by sight, but many had heard that “He who once persecuted us is now preaching the faith which he once tried to destroy” (1:23). God brought illumination from the darkness, and many were “glorifying God” because of it (1:24).

So it is in our lives. We experience seasons of delight and seasons of despair. And whether we are in a season of pleasure or in pain, all that comes into our lives is for the purpose of transforming us and teaching us to treasure God’s work in us. My friend, allow pain to do its work in you, through which you might someday find God’s perfect purpose for your life.

 

1. Anne Lamott, Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith (New York: Pantheon, 1999), 72–73.

 

Comments

[Natalie]

I am the world's worst at holding in pain and unfortunately it comes out in other ways..being short with my family, or being a little more aggressive driving, not smiling at anyone all day while out and about.. etc...Why do we wait till we are about to explode before we just cry out to God?! We are so afraid of the pain sometimes, it's easier to press it down and go on..that's what we think..I think being the mother of my special guy, I go in and out of highs and lows in the blink of an eye..And right now is one of those lows. But..I know He loves me and He loves my little guy, so I'll be ok!

[Colleen Thompson]

Oh Natalie, how many times have-and still do-have the up's and down's of life. You are not alone. As I read your words, the question "why do we wait till we are about to explode...." seem to come from many expectations you may have for yourself. Thus, when you cannot and may never meet those expectitations (probably set very high), it causes the anxiety to skyrocket. I assuming much here which isn't common for me; however, I've struggled for years (and still do at times) with the ebb and flow of it all. Pain is the strongest and most difficult path; yet it awakens the deeper parts of us that God is transforming. Natalie, never are we promised an easy road, we are promised God's faithfulness, grace, mercy, more...and eternity with Christ. For today, I want to offer some suggestions...1) invite the Lord to do His work-AND bring you comfort, truth, and light when the road is tough; 2) write down your expectations/wishes/wants and give them over to the Lord asking for wisdom; 3) examine your dreams, write them down, then allow yourself to weep, to grieve, to writhe in the pain for those dreams you have lost; 4) to seek what God has promised you in His word; 5) to write down every time you are angered by something (every day) then ask the Lord to show you what the root of your anger is connected to... loss, anger at God, resentment, ungrieved sorrow, hurt, whatever...6)then, wait and remember God is in the midst of it all. He will NEVER go away, reject you, forget your needs, reject you, or be surprised by any thing you feel/think/say/believe. He is filled with mercy and grace; allow Him to draw near to you, seek HIS wisdom, His guidance, His direction. Natalie, I so believe in you...you are not alone, it's a road that will bring you freedom and hope like you have never had before. Will you please stay in touch; either here or on facebook. I want you to stay connected; we all understand. In God's severe, gracious mercy, Colleen

[Calderone]

These comments are reassuring. For the past year and a half I have been dealing with an unfaithful husband who is so caught up with his past that there's no room for our today. After all the turmoil I still feel recentful, betrayed and lost. A part of me wants to believe in him,as he has asked me to, with his renewed commitment but the pain is too much to bear sometimes. Just when I think we are out of the woods something else comes up. I have asked him for honesty and he claims he is but I don't think he has what it takes to put us first. We started attending service in hopes that something greater heals both of us. still I'm in so much pain and feel humiliation, and betrayal that I just don't see light at the end of the tunnel. I want to believe that God has a greater purpose for me and from the bottom of my heart hope that God also fills his heart to become a better man to lead our home.I believe in his willingness but know he doesn't have the will power to fend off temptations and protect our relationship. I often find myself asking if it's even worth the try.

[Colleen Thompson]

Dear Calderone, My heart hurts for you as there are few betrayals like that of a spouse. I am so very sorry...it sounds like the hurt is prolonged and you're at a loss to know where to go with that. What I'm going to say next may be tough to hear but having gone through betrayals of a different nature; I am being refined by our Lord even today as I write you. First, much of what you said are feelings of doubt. Doubting his words, his strength, his commitment...which are feeling based. Without knowing your past, I don't know the experiences you have had with other promises broken or kept; so I'm writing with some limitations. However, your feelings are yours to own-that is a spiritual issues you must take to the Lord. Second, it sounds like he's admitted his choices but has he chosen to attend a support or accountability system, have you all gone to counseling together, what has he done to respond differently next time temptation presents itself? That's his side of the coin. There is a book titled "Redemptive Divorce" my brother in law wrote several years back. I highly recommend that on (author Mark Gaither) and also some works from Dave Carder. The last thing you want is to hold him hostage but working together is vital. Lastly-most difficult part for me is to forgive. You have lost much...to grieve and forgive may only be in the strength provided by the Holy Spirit. When we forgive, we free ourselves and the other person from all things. Again, none of this is easy; but it is restorative. How desperately I desire your marriage to work...IFL has some fantastic resources...one by my mother about her journey to forgiveness. I encourage you to check that out as well. Please do let me know how you are doing; you need support to work it all out. Our special needs Facebook page is loaded with others who suffer...not just with a different child or loved one but with all kinds of pain. May our Lord lead your path by His comfort and light. Colleen