Easy Ways to Help a Family in Need

 

When families are dealing with special needs, many of the basic chores of everyday life go from humdrum to hassle. As your friends, neighbors, and church members care for family members with special needs, take some time out of your week to offer a helping hand. Here are several ideas:

1. Offer to clean someone’s home on a regular basis for a predetermined length of time.
   
   
2. Arrange for meals to be brought to the home two or three nights a week.
   
   
3. Do something fun with one or more of the family members.
   
   
4. Offer to fill their car with gas.
   
   
5. Take their car to have it washed and serviced.
   
   
6. Wash and fold their laundry.
   
   
7. Offer specialty services like lawn care, cutting hair, or taking and picking up dry cleaning.
   
   
8. Have a family member give you a grocery list and do the family’s grocery shopping.
   
   
9. Offer to help with school-related needs: transportation, sports events, tutoring, and special projects.
   
   
10. Help out with pets: cleaning cages, washing dogs, taking pets to your home for a while, or feeding and cleaning up after pets.
    
    
11. Arrange appointments for medical or therapeutic needs; organize and design a family schedule.
    
    
12. Research the Internet for information, provide transportation, or attend local support groups with family members.
    
    
13. Put together a list of contacts willing to help in an emergency.
    
    
14. With the family’s permission, send notes or e-mails to others with updates and requests that they pray diligently, daily.
    
    
15. Give a nice gift, such as a journal or a basket of soothing bath supplies.

A note of caution: one common pitfall many people fall into when extending help to families with special needs has to do with expectations. All of us reasonably expect certain things from people in our everyday relationships, but as we extend loving care to families (such as in the ways mentioned above), we must not have any expectations . . . none. Do not expect to receive thank you notes, phone calls, special recognition, gifts, time, or any other type of positive regard or reward. Expectations damage the care-giving process and place an unnecessary burden on the recipient, so please leave expectations behind. Let the knowledge that you’ve done what God asked of you be your satisfaction.

Comments

[Margie]

This is so valuable. As a mother of a learning challenged child and a spouse of a man with Parkinsons, it is the daily chores that get exhausting. Sometimes it all becomes so overwhelming that you loose your dignity. Who feels good when the lawn is not kept properly or the numerous other chores never get done. I love a beautiful and well run home, but never seem to have enough time to get it all done. My husband use to be able to do so much more, but as his disease has progressed, his chores are now my chores. Your posting is so timely. Thank you.

[Colleen Swindoll]

Margie-ALRIGHT! Thrilled to hear from you. Basic Home help makes a HUGE impact. Plus, if a family or small groups work together, growth in their relationships make this a win-win for everyone. Margie, keep spreading the word!! Lives will be changed, God will be honored-that's also a win-win! Colleen

[Deanna]

I especially appreciated your note of caution. Sometimes I don't want to accept help--especially bigger help because I can't necessarily offer the kind of thanks I want to--no time for thank you notes, and no money for a token of appreciation. All I can do is say it, and that doesn't seem to be enough. It helps when it's anonymous--I know they don't expect a thank you. Or when people seem to genuinely enjoy my kids--not an attitude of "I'll suffer through this," or "Give me a few hours with them and I'll fix all the things you haven't managed to correct in their behavior." This happens much more often than some people might think.

To those of you who do help humbly, and without expectation, thank you--on behalf of those you serve. One day you'll know what a difference it makes!

[Colleen Swindoll]

Deanna, I appreciate your comment. I wrestled with adding that as some folks are such humble servants. But, most families are damaged due to assumptions, ‘their rules', and expectations of reward. In fact, I've not seen one copy of a 'thank you' note written to Christ, nor have I read that Christ was publically recognized and applauded following his humble and horrible death. Such is the model we are commanded to follow. Thanks again!

[Carrie]

Being on the receiving end of help has been hard for us. We were raised in happy, healthy homes where we helped others.
Then here we are needing help...admitting we needed help, accepting help, it is hard and humbling.
God places people at the right place, at the right time because he knows what we need.
I now know what a blessing it is to receive help from a dinner, a note or care package. It is amazing.

[Stephen Grcevich, MD]

We have a church in our area that encourages families to offer "relational respite" to neighbors with special needs.

Members offer to provide in-home child care to neighbors whose children have significant emotional or behavioral conditions so that the parent(s) can enjoy some badly needed personal time for dinner, conversation, attending a small group or Bible study, shopping... or whatever else the parent would like to do that families unaffected by a person with special needs take for granted.

[Colleen Swindoll]

Carrie-You bet it's tough. Asking for help-allowing other to help-is one of the toughest challenges I wrestle with. I believe this is a symptom of the problem but not the core issue. In my own life, the root is pride...Pride has many colors-sometimes self determined perseverance, sometimes, even valiant accomplishment...in my own will. It just stinks! Doesn't that stink! But the Christ-forever faithful and gracious-shows me the passage to humility is welcoming those He chooses to care for my needs. Carrie, thanks so much for your note.

[Jerod Yancey]

Have you ever heard of the "Autistic Christian"? Autism is a relational/social disease! We are anti relational and anti social when it comes to our relationship with God. He loves us unconditionally and we turn the other way, not even showing Him that His efforts to love us are having an affect. It is such a victory when our children CHOOSE to look us in the eye and smile. How much greater is the applause in heaven when we CHOOSE to look the Lord in the face and tell Him "Thank you for dying for me." WOW! The ever-present, excited detective God. What an awesome God we serve. Thank you for creating this ministry. My wife and I are starting a ministry at our home church, Bethel Life Center, Wichita, KS. We have a 6 year old boy with moderate autism, and have learned to find joy in the smallest victories. The epedimic of autism is continuing to grow as the months go by. 1-100 are diagnosed with autism in the US. Unreal. Help us reach our children Lord God.

[Colleen Swindoll]

Jerod, I love your thought! I've learned through Jon's life that the conditions he is confined to in this life allow me to see the sinful condition I am confined to in this life. As the numbers grow, I believe the reminder of our human condition is revealed all the more. Thanks so much, Jarod, for your comments...please continue to check in...we all need to have our perspectives challenged.