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When life falls apart, confusion sets in. Personal questions are unanswerable, emotions are uncontrollable, and strength seems unattainable; such are the realities of shattering circumstances. Special Needs Ministries represents a source of hope for people by offering sound teaching, resources, and personal counseling. We invite you to visit the Special Needs blog, managed by Colleen Swindoll, director of Special Needs Ministries and the parent of a child with special needs. Colleen is intimately aware of the daily challenges you face, and she is honored for the opportunity to interact with you.

God’s Wonderful Work When We Are Weak

A Prayer

Lord, do You ever feel worn out at the end of Your day? I know as truth that You’re not limited by space, time, or power. I also know my human capacity for endurance is weak. Lord, I need to know You are with me in everything. Jon’s struggles ebb and flow like the vast ocean currents—sweeping waves of anxiety, unrestrained compulsions, and tic storms. Those ferocious tics . . . insatiable and unrelenting, the unexplainable turbulent forces which cause him pain . . . oh, Lord, I need to know You are with him too.

Lord, in my human suffering, I wonder how You feel when You look at us. I know humanity is not as You created it to be. I also know You are with us when our hearts grieve through trials outside our control. Insufferable and knotted—such are the passageways of the weak. Lord, the afflictions You allow sometimes seem senseless but they lead to a rich freedom I can’t put into words. You have chosen to bless me, to attend to my every need, to keep my feet steady and my heart safe through these serrated valleys of darkness.

Tonight, Lord, as You have reminded me once again of Your unfailing love, I ask You to grant such grace to all Your children suffering through difficult seasons. You are overflowing with grace and mercy! May all who suffer praise Your name and bring honor to You as the God of all things. Lord, You hear the petitions of Your children. Speak to our hearts and lead us to pray. Grant us peace beyond our ability to understand. I love You.

Amen

If you too are in the thick of adversity, read the Lord’s words in Lamentations 3:22–23. Whisper this prayer and know that He always hears you, His love never ceases, and His faithfulness never ends:

“I, (your name), am weary. I, (your name), need You to lift my soul and give me hope. Remind me again that Your mercies are new every morning. Allow me to say, ‘My hope has returned because my Lord has been faithful to me.’”

Recommended Resources

Messages
“Paul on His Knees . . . Again” purchase
“Getting Through the Tough Stuff of Anxiety” purchase
“Getting Through the Tough Stuff of Pain” purchase

Articles
“Asking Why”
by Charles R. Swindoll

“Despite Your Circumstances”
by Charles R. Swindoll

“When God Says ‘No’ . . . Pray”
by Charles R. Swindoll

Things I’ve Learned from Raising Kids

A good sense of humor is essential in life. And taking some time each day to laugh can lighten any load. Here’s some funnies for today.

Things I’ve Learned from Raising Kids

A king-size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000-square-foot home four inches deep.

If you spray hairspray on dust bunnies and run over them with Rollerblades, they can ignite.

If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 x 20-foot room.

You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

Glass windows, even double-paned, don’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

When you hear the toilet flush and the word “uh-oh,” it’s already too late.

Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke—and lots of it.

The first swimming pool for many children is the toilet.

A 6-year-old can start a fire with a flint, even though a 36-year-old man says it can’t be done except in the movies.

Certain Legos will pass through the entire digestive tract.

No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool, you still cannot walk on water.

VCRs do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, even though the TV commercials show that they do.

Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. However, cats throw up twice their bodyweight when dizzy.

What We Need to Help Us through Trials

When you encounter people who are going through a trial, do you find yourself thinking: I really want to help others who are struggling, but what do they need most? As human beings, we all need the following qualities in our lives to help us through our toughest times.

Trust: We need to sense acceptance and value from others without judgment of our behaviors, feelings, reactions, displays of emotion, and lack of functioning; this includes confidential and consistent care through a crisis.

Security: We need nonjudgmental support and confidential, consistent help with the management of our daily responsibilities.

Relational Support: We need the presence of people who are comfortable with silence, who are aware of our needs, and who are both consistent and dependable.

Hope: We need encouragement from other people; their help in locating resources; and their commitment to pray for us. We need their dependable and calming presence amidst our doubts, our coping techniques, our mood swings, our lack of control, and our familial demands. We need to see a ray of hope, a light at the end of the tunnel.

Guidance: We need help developing new skills, healthy coping strategies, self-awareness, problem-solving skills, stress-management techniques, and the capacity to deal well with relational conflicts.

Affirmation of strengths: We need others to possess a positive regard for our personal development and character formation. Time: We need time to cry, to be mad, to have a pity party, to let go of wishes and dreams, to express hardship and sorrow, and to adjust to our trials.

Discovery of meaning and purpose in life: We need the opportunity to rebuild, restructure, reframe, and release life as it was before our crisis, so that we can live life as it is now.

Next time you encounter someone who is struggling, ask God how He might use you to create a supportive environment where healing can happen.

What Should I Say to Hurting People?

Ever wish you could reach out to a friend in crisis, but you’re just not sure what to say? Most of us tend either to avoid the person or situation altogether or to rush in and say too much. The list below demonstrates some ways you can effectively support people in need. Notice how these responses acknowledge and reflect the person’s feelings without judging him or her or offering unwelcome advice.

What Effective Caregivers Say

1. I cannot imagine how you are feeling. I’m so sorry.
2. Coming to terms with this must be so difficult.
3. I’m here for you. Is there anything you need help with?
4. How are your kids handling this? Is there anything they need?
5. I’ll be connecting with you regularly. Something may come up, and I’ll be here to help.

What Effective Caregivers DON’T Say

1. God doesn’t give us more than we can handle; you must be very strong.
2. Maybe this wouldn’t have happened if . . .
3. Do you think God is trying to tell you something?
4. You know, it’s been a few months; shouldn’t you be over this by now?
5. I think you need to get back into life. I think the activity would be better than just sitting around.
   

Soft Words for Heavy Hearts

Here are five books I recommend that have suggestions for speaking with those who are hurting. Of course, Insight for Living cannot endorse everything the writers say in these works, so we encourage you to approach these and all other non-biblical resources with wisdom and discernment.

The Art of Condolence: What to Write, What to Say, What to Do at a Time of Loss by Leonard M. Zunin and Hilary Stanton Zunin

Don’t Ask for the Dead Man’s Golf Clubs: What to Do and Say (and What Not to) When a Friend Loses a Loved One by Lynn Kelly

The Etiquette of Illness: What to Say When You Can’t Find the Words by Susan P. Halpern

Healing Conversations: What to Say When You Don’t Know What to Say by Nance Guilmartin

When Words Matter Most: Thoughtful Words and Deeds to Express Just the Right Thing at Just the Right Time by Robyn Freedman Spizman

A Weekly Gift for You

I often forget to take care of myself as I care for my autistic son, Jonathan. My family often reminds me to tend to my own needs as well. Finding time for yourself seems selfish, but it really isn’t. Caring for my needs is the best care for Jon. Jesus encouraged His disciples, after a busy time of ministering to others, to take time for themselves. His words for them are for us too: “Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while” (Mark 6:31). Time for you may seem impossible, but I encourage you to try—we’re in this together. Give two or three of these ideas a try.

• Find short escapes. Take a long bath, get a pedicure, have your car washed, browse through a bookstore, or spend a night or two away.
• Rent a movie.
• Ask for help. Let friends or family know when life is getting too complicated. Find another parent whom you can contact when you are worried or need encouragement.
• Journal.
• Simplify. Get rid of unnecessary clutter.
• Enjoy silence. Unplug the phone and turn off the computer.
• Take time for your own personal health and wellness.
• Sit outside or take a quiet walk.

These are just a few of the things I’m trying to implement into my life. No doubt you can think of many other ideas. The trick, however, is not simply to create a list but to put it into practice!

Won’t you begin today? You’ll be glad that you did . . . and so will your family.

When Hope Returns

Hope is a buoyancy word. It takes a tsunami-like surge to keep it submerged. It’s difficult, I know, to hold on to the life preserver of hope when storms rage in your life, but let me encourage you to tighten your grip. Perhaps this poem, “When Hope Returns,” will help.

Despair, oh despair, you’ve taken my hope
You’ve taken my hope; forbidden, now hidden
Should she try to dance, to prance, enjoy romance
You cover and hover, oh . . . wretched despair
Choked by the ash, the crash, the smash
Hope returns resilient, undaunted
Forging, restoring, she changes, rearranges
Hope rebuilds, repairs, restores, returns
Hope has no anguish, bitterness, darkness
In suffering, hope is shining, singing, humbling
A star twinkling, hope is amazing, dazzling, sparkling
Hope resides when Christ abides,
I can dance in the rain, cast the pain, view loss as gain
My soul so free, the release, the peace

—Colleen Swindoll, 2009

Have you found lasting hope? It can only be found in God. Listen to this declaration from the great poet David:

You are my hope;
O Lord GOD, You are my confidence from my youth. (Psalm 71:5)

It is my hope that your hope returns, even if your situation seems hopeless, for nothing is hopeless with our God.

Copyright © 2009 by Colleen Swindoll. All rights reserved worldwide.

Recommended Resources
Hope, booklet
Hope for Our Troubled Times, CD series

Dear Wayfaring Traveler

Dear wayfaring traveler, your journey so long
The night air’s dense, despairing, no song
The darkened soul wonders, confused and alone
This mystery of pain, so drained, forlorn

Dear wayfaring traveler, winter doth reveal
What binds up the soul, temptations that kill
The vice-grip of self, motivations deep hidden
Dark, longing desires of wishes forbidden

Dear wayfaring traveler, the journey you trod
Through land’s frozen tundra, no anger of God;
Bereavement and loss, the anguish in life
Releasing the bondage of self and of strife.

Dear wayfaring traveler, the burdens of blame
The bitter resentments, the justified claims;
The soul deeply shattered, the crucible spread wide
Burning away cruel hatred, resentment, cavernous pride

Dear wayfaring traveler, dark passages have purpose
The Lord’s faithful work, His truth now our focus
Unspeakable hope, new life out of ashes
His way is right, including the crosses.

—Colleen Swindoll, 2008

Copyright © 2008 by Colleen Swindoll. All rights reserved worldwide.

The Lord Bless You . . .

I have the following verses posted on my desk because I need to be reminded each day of the Lord’s greatness in my weakness. I need reassurance of all He can do in my life.

“The Lord bless you, and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance on you,
And give you peace.”
(Numbers 6:24–26)

Can you relate? If so, today you may want to personalize those verses in a prayer similar to this:

Lord, will you bless the hurting,
Will you keep near the anxious,
Will you shine strength over the weak,
Will you display grace to the lost,
Will you abide with those in anguish,
Will you provide your peace and rest today?
Amen.

God Chooses Those He Uses

David began his life as a nobody—an ordinary shepherd boy—chosen by God to become a somebody—an extraordinary king over God’s own people. Yet, before David wore his crown, God shaped his character by allowing pain to be his close companion for over a decade. The presence of suffering made no sense to David at the time; yet God had a purpose David couldn’t imagine as he endured those difficult years.

David's life reveals this absolute truth about suffering: adversity is allowed for a purpose you often cannot comprehend today. When suffering comes, cling to the words of Isaiah 55:3, 8: "Give ear and come to me; / hear me, that your soul may live. . . . for my (God's) thoughts are not your thoughts, / neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord" (NIV).

In one of my father's sermons, he quoted the following poem; may it be encouraging to you today!

When God wants to drill a man
   And thrill a man
   And skill a man,
When God wants to mold a man
   To play the noblest part;
When He yearns with all His heart
   To create so great and bold a man
That all the world shall be amazed,
   Watch His methods, watch His ways!
How He ruthlessly perfects
   Whom He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him,
   And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay which
   Only God understands;
While his tortured heart is crying
   And he lifts beseeching hands!
How He bends but never breaks
   When his good He undertakes;
How He uses whom He chooses
   And with every purpose fuses him;
   By every act induces him
To try His splendor out—
   God knows what He’s about!

—Author unknown¹

1. Quoted in Charles R. Swindoll, “A Nobody, Nobody Noticed,” in David: A Man of Passion & Destiny.

The Source of Hope and Strength

What happens when the bottom drops out of your life? When you experience a great calamity like the loss of your home through a fire or a flood? Or suffer through an unwanted divorce, or worse, the death of a loved one who meant the world to you? What happens when you must undergo lingering, intense personal illness or pain that just won’t go away? Some lose their faith in God when they go through times like these. Others, however, find hope to endure, often discovering a deeper meaning to life as a result of their strong, deeply spiritual and moral convictions. These brave souls see the proof that God is alive and is compassionate during those terrible times, as He cares for their needs and purifies their character.

The great prophet Jeremiah stared into the abyss when the bottom dropped out of his life. He recorded what he saw and felt—and believed—in the book of Lamentations. Jeremiah lamented the horrid conditions of his people, the Hebrews, who had been carried off into captivity in Babylon because they had forsaken the Lord their God and turned their hearts to worship idols. Even though Jeremiah’s “eyes fail[ed] because of tears” . . . and his “spirit [was] greatly troubled” . . . and his “heart [was] poured out on the earth,” he still hoped in the Lord (Lamentations 2:11; 3:23–24). Amazing, isn’t it? The Message paraphrases Jeremiah’s words this way:

I’ll never forget the trouble, the utter lostness,
     the taste of ashes, the poison I’ve swallowed.
I remember it all—oh, how well I remember—
     the feeling of hitting the bottom.
But there’s one other thing I remember,
     and remembering, I keep a grip on hope:

God's loyal love couldn’t have run out,
     his merciful love couldn’t have dried up.
They’re created new every morning.
     How great your faithfulness!
I’m sticking with God (I say it over and over).
     He’s all I’ve got left.

God proves to be good to the man who passionately waits,
     to the woman who diligently seeks.
It’s a good thing to quietly hope,
     quietly hope for help from God.
It’s a good thing when you’re young
     to stick it out through the hard times.
(Lamentations 3:19–27 MSG)

So, let me ask you again: what happens when the bottom drops out of your life? According to Jeremiah, you feel like you’re eating ashes! But today, even with the bitter taste of poison on your tongue, Jeremiah declares that you can turn to the Lord and find a renewed strength and a confident hope, remembering that His merciful love is created anew every morning.