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Welcome to iParent, the new blog from the folks at Insight for Parents. The iParent blog is a place for interactive content, videos, audio, surveys, podcasts, slideshows and more. Jump in and join a community of parents just like you. Stay tuned!

What Is a Christian Family?

by Derrick G. Jeter

The traditional family is under assault these days. Watch a primetime television program about the family and you'll soon discover that fathers are presented as idiotic, mothers as overbearing, and children as wise beyond their years. That's assuming you can find a program portraying a "traditional" family with a husband and a wife.

To say "traditional" families are under attack, however, is to acknowledge that our definition of the family is more culturally informed than biblically informed. Our Western, modern model of the family, where a husband and wife live together and rear two or three children, is not the model we see in the Bible, where husbands were often married to multiple wives, had relationships with concubines, and produced a prodigious number of children. Defining family, therefore, especially a "biblical" or "Christian" family, is no easy task. Frankly, it's probably easier to bag an octopus than to define a "biblical family."

What we can definitively say is this: God is the originator of the family and continues to hold the patent. The ideal, established at the beginning of humanity, is for one man and one woman to join in a spiritually and physically committed union for a lifetime, conceiving and rearing children (Genesis 1:27–28; 2:18, 21–25). Clearly, this model wasn't followed consistently throughout the Scriptures and is not followed today, where single parents, married couples without children, grandparents rearing their grandchildren, and empty-nesters—just to mention a few—make up a considerable percentage of "Christian" families. We would be hard-pressed not to label these relationships "families," even though they don't meet the ideal set forth in Genesis. Furthermore, the Lord continues to bless these types of families.

So where does this leave us in trying to define family from a Christian perspective? We can affirm at least this much: "A Christian family is a group of people who are related to each other through marriage, birth, or adoption and are committed, first and foremost, to the person and work of Jesus Christ, faithfully witnessing to the love, power, and forgiveness of God to a watching world in its unique time and place."

Taken from Derrick G. Jeter, "What Is a Christian Family?" in Family Matters: Investing in the Things That Last Bible Companion (Plano, Tex.: IFL Publishing House, 2010), 4–5. Copyright © 2010 Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.

 

A Gift for Dad

by Charles R. Swindoll

In an age of equal rights and equal time, it seems only fair to give dads equal attention.

Moms get the lion's share of the parenting accolades, and let's be honest—they deserve every bit they receive. Too often though, dads get lost in the shuffle. So for the next few moments, move over, ladies . . . make way for the men; in fact, a very select group of men: fathers.

At those times when families traditionally honor dads—on his birthday, at Christmas, or on some other special day, the eyes and ears of children and spouses perk up. They scan store windows, watch television commercials, flip through newspaper ads, and undertake furious Internet searches. Our families wonder whether to wrap us in robes, fill us with food, surprise us with skis, tickle us with tools, or just cover us with kisses. If I know dads, most of 'em blush no matter what you do. They are so used to providing, receiving is a little weird. Occasionally, it is downright embarrassing! Most dads are quick to say to their families (with pardonable pride):

"Look, just sit back and relax . . . and leave the striving to us!"

For the next several minutes, think about your father, okay? Meditate on what that one individual has contributed. Think about his influence over you, his investment in you, his insights to you. Study his face . . . the lines that are now indelibly etched in your mind. Listen again to the echo of his voice . . . that infectious laugh . . . those unique expressions that emerge through the miracle of memory. Feel his hand wrapped around yours . . . his strong, secure arm across your shoulders. Remember his grip that once communicated a balanced mixture of gentleness and determination, compassion and masculinity . . . not only his, "I understand," but also his, "Now, straighten up!" Watch his walk. There is no other walk like his, is there? Those sure steps. That inimitable stride. Arms swinging and back arched . . . head tilted just so.

Best of all, take time to recall his exemplary character. The word is integrity. As you read this, pause and remind yourself of just one or two choice moments in your past when he stood alone, when he stood by you . . . when he stood against insurmountable odds . . . when he provided that shelter in your time of storm. When he protected you from the bitter blast of life's harsh consequences. When he chose to say, "Honey, I forgive you," instead of, "Why, you ought to be ashamed!" What wonderful memories!

In the wake of such a legacy which time can never erase, give God thanks. Thank the Giver of every good and perfect gift for the meaningful marks your dad has branded on the core of your character . . . the wholesome habits he has woven into the fabric of your flesh. While meandering through this forest of nostalgia, stop at the great oak named Proverbs and reflect upon the words the wise man carved into its bark 29 centuries ago:

A righteous man who walks in his integrity—
How blessed are his sons [and daughters] after him. (Proverbs 20:7)

How very true! How blessed you are!

Our Lord declares that you are the beneficiary in a perpetual, paternal policy. For the balance of your life, you receive the dividends from your father's wise and sacrificial investments in "integrity stock." Most of those dividends were unknown and unclaimed until you grew up and became aware of your inheritance. You may not have realized until recently how richly endowed you really are!

Your dad is not perfect; painful though it is, he would be the first to admit it. Nor is he infallible, much to his own disappointment. Nor altogether fair . . . nor always right. But there's one thing he is—always and altogether—he is your dad . . . the only one you'll ever have. Take it from me, when the time comes for gift-giving, there's only one thing he needs. Plain and simple, he needs to hear you say,

"Dad, I love you."

That's the best gift you can give. If you give him your love, you can forget all the other stuff that comes with a price tag. Nothing you could buy will bring him anywhere near the satisfaction that four-word gift will provide.

As you consider a gift for dad when his special day comes around, look him in the eye or call him on the phone and give him the gift he needs more than anything.

Give him your love.

Copyright © 2010 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc.

 

Beyond Today

by Charles R. Swindoll

"If you can look into the seeds of time,
And say which grain will grow, and which will not,
Speak, then, to me. . . ."
—William Shakespeare¹

Who wouldn't want to hear from someone like that? Who hasn't felt him- or herself standing on tiptoe, straining to see what lies ahead? Every generation has had its share of individuals who believed they had the prophetic gift of foretelling the future. To take one humorous example, in 1967, Herman Kahn and Anthony J. Wiener wrote a book titled The Year 2000: A Framework for Speculation on the Next Thirty-Three Years. They predicted that there would be such an enormous explosion of growth that by the year 2000, cities would expand into "megalopolises" with up to 100 million inhabitants.The authors tagged the future "megalopolis" stretching between Boston and Washington D.C. BosWash; from San Francisco to San Diego, SanSan; and from Chicago to Pittsburg, ChickiPitts! And can you imagine the traffic jam from Houston to Corpus Christi? I'd suggest that death trap be called WhoseCorpse!

Even Newsweek made a few attempts at predicting, as its writers looked beyond the today of 1979. In an article—"The Cracked Crystal Ball"—they asked and tried to answer questions about the future. Tough, sweeping questions. Questions still relevant today. Among them:

• Is America in retreat?
• Will our nation regain its trust?
• Is public education doomed?
• Can the world be fed?
• Can we find more oil?
• Can we keep hoping?

That last one is really the root issue, isn't it? Unless we have hope, it could be a pretty dismal future for us. Shakespeare's "seeds of time" might very well be scattered and dangerously thinned out over the next 15 or 20 years.

But let's limit our thoughts to something we can handle. Most of us must admit those huge questions out of Newsweek are too vast for us. And the idea of living in a megalopolis is too remote to interest us. We need a bite-size chunk to chew on.

Okay then, how about that unit called your family? . . . Now there's something worth thinking about beyond today. Where are you going? What's your game plan for the next decade? Given any thought to specific objectives you want to reach—or at least shoot for? How about selecting some priorities? You say there's no hurry? I challenge that. The next ten years will literally fly by . . . and you'll rip that December sheet off your calendar wondering, How did ten years go by so fast?

Ten years. The Swindoll "kids" will be 58, 56, 52, and 49. Some of them will probably be walking down the aisle at their children's weddings . . . and some might even be bouncing grandchildren on their knees. Whatever, it doesn't take a crystal ball to see those facts in our future. You do that right now. Stop and add ten years to your life and (if you have a family) do the same with each one of your children.

Suddenly we're all a bit more sober. The clapper of urgency has struck the bell of reality, and some of us sense a summons back to our inescapable responsibility. God commands us to "number our days / That we may present to [Him] a heart of wisdom" (Psalm 90:12).

Forgive me for pressing the issue near the point of offense, but unless some of you who read these words stop and think and plan and start to execute essential goals, indifference, passivity, and procrastination will win another victory. And instead of making a few hard decisions that will initiate beneficial changes, your family ties will loosen, your children will drift, and you'll dread the memory of the way you were. How much better to invite the living, all-knowing Lord to show you ways to make the decade ahead much better than the ones behind.

How about our offering this prayer in faith:

"Lord, because You can look into the seeds of time,
and say which grain will grow,
and which will not,
Speak then to me. . . ."

 

1. William Shakespeare, Macbeth, 1.3.58–60, in William Shakespeare: The Complete Works (New York: Barnes and Noble, 1994), 860.

Copyright © 2010 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc 

 

Things My Mother Taught Me

by Colleen Swindoll-Thompson

This month is dedicated to celebrating women. I realize not everyone who reads this is a woman, but you probably have at least one woman in your life—a mother, your spouse or girlfriend, or a daughter. But whether or not you’re a woman, this fun little piece made me chuckle, and I thought you would get a kick out of it too.

Things My Mother Taught Me . . . 

To Value a Job Well Done

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.”

All about Time Travel

“If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

Logic

“Because I said so, that’s why.”

Foresight

“Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”

Irony

“Keep crying and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

Osmosis

“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

Stamina

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

Weather

“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

Hypocrisy

“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times. Don’t exaggerate!”

Circle of Life

“I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”

Behavior Modification

“Stop acting like your father!”

Thankfulness

“There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do.”

Anticipation

“Just wait until we get home.”

Receiving

“You are going to get it when you get home!”

Medical Science

“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.”

How to Become an Adult

“If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”

Wisdom

“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

Justice

“One day you’ll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you.”

 

—Author Unknown

 

The Surprise of Victory in Christ

by David Carl

Victory in Christ. It’s what many Christians want. It’s what we’ve been promised by Christ himself. But a number of questions come to my mind, questions like: “Why don’t we see more victory in Christ?” or “Why don’t I have more victory in Christ myself?” Theologian J. P. Moreland made a very disturbing statement: “It is possible for 95 percent of Christians in any generation to have their conceptualization of what Christianity is be fundamentally flawed.”? For example, if we had been alive during the Crusades, most “good Christians” would have been certain that they could earn admission to heaven by going to fight in the Holy Land. All this to say, it is sometimes difficult to separate what God has told us is true from what we simply assume is true because everyone around us says or believes it is.

At one time, I assumed that “victory in Christ”—or living a victorious Christian life in the middle of our sinful, messed-up world—meant having victory in my own life, as I chose to define it. Because of my culture, I thought that having victory in Christ meant that I had to become increasingly self-sufficient. Americans are known for our independence, self-reliance, and willingness to “go it on our own.” These qualities are tremendously helpful when homesteading or inventing the cotton gin or even starting up a business, but they are not great assets when trying to find true victory in Christ. For me, this independent spirit has actually kept me in a sort of spiritual stasis.

In 1 John 5:34, we read, “This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith” (NIV). So I believe that in order for me to become victorious, I need to grow in my love for and obedience to Christ. I want to be like Him—and He was not an island. He was not a maverick who did whatever He wanted. In John 8:28, Jesus said,

“When you lift up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am He, and I do nothing on My own initiative, but I speak these things as the Father taught Me.”

Jesus lived in total dependence on God. He chose to live in dependence on the kindness of others, and He depended on the disciples to spread His message after He was gone. That’s a lot of dependence. I realize I need to be increasingly more dependent on God, and what I’m now learning is that I need to be more dependent on the Christians around me too. If I allow my life to become intertwined with theirs—to let them know my weaknesses and failures, my struggles and hopes, and to understand theirs—I am following Jesus’s example and He will be honored. As I do this, I grow. My Christian friends tell me things that I would not come up with on my own. Some of them are embarrassing, and some hurt. But sometimes my soul is encouraged and refreshed in ways it would never be otherwise.

Responding well to these kinds of blessings—the ones that hurt and the ones that refresh—are one part of what “victory in Christ” looks like. They only come from a concerted pursuit of dependence. But even though this idea is contradictory to my culture and to my own instinct at times, pursuing this victory in Christ is more surprising and wonderful than I expected.

 

1. J. P. Moreland, “The Importance of the Mind in Christian Living,” podcast, The Veritas Forum, http://veritas.org/media/talks/172, accessed April 7, 2008.

 

In Their Eyes

by John Adair

 

The mysteries of this world never cease.

My 2-year-old son has a strange habit. When he wakes up in the morning or from his nap, he makes his way from his bed directly to his closed bedroom door, lies down flat on his stomach, and gazes through the crack beneath it. Then he waits. He has a room full of toys that I imagine would better attract his attention, yet he waits. He has a pile of blocks to build towers that he can “go Godzilla” on, yet he waits. He waits for someone—anyone—to walk by, in the hopes he might be able to rope him or her in to his escape plan.

Here’s the thing, though: he can open doors! He opens the office door when I’m working. He opens the front door when we’re not looking. He opens the pantry door and plays with the trash can. But he will not open that bedroom door. He won’t even try.

When I think about this habit, a couple of things come to mind. First, while lying there, he wants nothing more than to be on the other side of that door. He wants very much to be in his mother’s and my world. He wants to see what we are doing and participate in it with us. He wants to spend time with us.

Second, his vision is limited because of the small space between the door and the carpet. He can’t see beyond what the small space allows. He certainly can’t see what’s going on in the living room around the corner. And most importantly, because he is so focused on seeing through the crack, he doesn’t realize that he can simply open the door to go where he wants to be.

As a parent, I find my son’s behavior mystifying but also instructive. Whenever I see him through the crack beneath the door, I think about how much I’d like to be in his world. I want to know his mind more fully so that I can better train and guide him toward Christlikeness. Jesus told us that the greatest commandments are to love God and to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:37-39). When it comes to our kids, the ability to fulfill this second commandment—an ability that ultimately is given by the Holy Spirit—involves knowing them well (seeing the world through their eyes). We need this so that we can serve them in a way that will be of most help to their spiritual growth.

In the attempt to see through his eyes, I also recognize my own limited vision of him. In effect, I, too, am looking through the crack under the door. No parent has been blessed with a God’s-eye view of the world. Therefore, our responses to our kids should always reflect a certain measure of humility. Remembering that we, too, are sinners who struggle to stay on the right path should temper our response to our kids. It should ensure that our interaction with them is seasoned with grace and mercy while avoiding the awful trap of hypocrisy. Ephesians 6:4 teaches us that we are not to provoke our children to anger. This occurs when we come off as autocrats who care little for the difficulties our kids face. They get most frustrated when our direction seems to come out of nowhere. Rather, we should teach them discipline from our own example while rooting everything we teach in the Scriptures.

Seeing the world from our children’s perspective allows parents to have greater insight into what our kids need to become more like Christ. But adopting that mentality also involves adopting humility as a way of life. It can’t be all about us. To truly serve and help our kids, our lives must be turned outward, toward both Christ and our kids (the same focus of Jesus’s two great commands—God and others). Just as living the kind of life that would best serve God involves seeing the world through His eyes, living the kind of life that would most help our kids involves seeing the world through their eyes.

 

An Ordinary Home Can Be a Holy Place

by Barb Peil

The word holy means “set apart” for a specific purpose—like the linen and silverware you use only on holidays. As a place where the truth about God and His Word is modeled, your home can be a holy place—set apart for His children to grow. “Our home? Holy?” Yes! But . . .

It Starts at the Top.

Deciding to make your home a holy place begins with you and your spouse’s choice to make your relationship with the Lord a part of your everyday lives. Welcome Him into every conversation, decision, and relationship that crosses your threshold. When you pray together, remember the little things. Remember too, spiritual talk isn’t reserved for Sunday. in fact, many times . . .

It Happens at the Dinner Table.

In between “pass the carrots” and “chew with your mouth closed, please” often comes the opportunity to talk about how you and your children’s lives are different because you love God. As a parent, why not share something you’re learning in your Bible study or through your prayer life? Invite your kids to contribute too—you might be surprised at how God is working in their hearts. But remember . . .

It Takes a Good Eye.

It takes discernment to spot significant junctions in your children’s spiritual maturity. What are their worries? Their questions and observations about life provide perfect prompts to talk about spiritual issues. These teachable moments come when you least expect them. Sometimes they’re cleverly wrapped in traffic jams or waiting rooms, over a mound of dishes in the sink, or at a checkerboard breakfast table. The important moments happen when you model your relationship with God as a natural part of your daily lives. At these pivotal moments . . .

It Matters What You Say.

It matters what you say and how you say it. If your tone of voice changes every time you say spiritual words, your kids will conclude that your relationship with God is fake too. Be real. Let your conversation about God be as natural as talking with them about their friends or family members. Encourage their questions, even if you don’t know the answers. They won’t mind your not knowing, if you can discover the answer together in God’s Word. And while we’re talking about talking . . .

It Matters How You Pray.

When you became a parent, you decided from that moment on to let your heart run around outside your body. At times, the only communications that can reach your children are the conversations you have with God about them. As you pray, think through their day. What challenges do they face? Pray for their strength as you iron their shirts, pray for their health as you fix them nourishing meals. Plead for their protection as you watch them with their friends. Pray for them with your spouse after you tuck them in at night. The result will be . . .

Growing Closer to God as a Family.

As parents, decide to be a spiritual influence in your home—setting it apart as a place where your relationship with God is as real as the kitchen sink. Together, serve God as you serve each other—with an honest attentiveness and a willingness to be involved in every family member’s growing awareness of God’s plan for their lives.

Taken from “An Ordinary Home Can Be a Holy Place,” Insights, March 2000. Copyright © 2000, Insight for Living. All rights reserved worldwide.

 

Finding a Middle Way through the Midway

by Michael J. Svigel

With excitement in her eyes, Sarah kissed her parents goodbye. John and Judy’s decision to let their sixteen-year-old daughter attend the girls’ summer art camp wasn’t difficult. They had heard great things about the program and believed it was an excellent opportunity.

Then John and Judy learned the famous art camp was a magnet for teenage lesbians, many of whom believed their immoral lifestyles enhanced their identity as artists. Sixteen years of parenting flashed through their minds. Had they taught Sarah to make wise, godly decisions without them? Would Sarah maintain a loving witness for Christ? Would she be influenced by the immorality around her? Fretting over their daughter’s spiritual health, John and Judy wondered whether they should play it safe and bring Sarah home where they knew she’d be protected from the dangers of the world.

To children growing up today, the world is like the raucous midway of an amusement park, a fairground of enticing colors and sounds that promise excitement at every turn. They’re constantly bombarded with temptations toward sin and choices that aren’t always black and white. How do we as parents or leaders help them steer clear of the “crooked carnies” of their world without coming across as crotchety kill-joys? How do we prepare them to make wise, godly decisions without us?

Extremes of Legalism and License

Homosexual behavior is obviously wrong, while Bible study is unquestionably right. But what about issues where Scripture is not so specific—decisions requiring discernment? The approaches to guiding children toward wise decisions in gray areas often swing between the extremes of legalism and license. Some parents completely avoid the “midway” of the world by chucking the television, banning movies, or shielding their children from such “evils” of society as public schools and non-Christian friends. Others swiftly march their children through the carnival shouting “No!” The result may be protected children who are obedient, at least while they’re at home, but who lack the knowledge or wisdom to make wise decisions on their own.

Parents on the opposite extreme remove the word no from their vocabularies and offer little guidance for decision-making. They may use the television as a babysitter and ignore film ratings, thereby passively sacrificing their children to the destructive influences of the world. This lack of boundaries can produce children who have firsthand knowledge of the world, but lack the wisdom to distinguish right from wrong, wise from unwise.

Few parents are on these extremes of legalism and license, but many of us lean toward one or the other, especially as our children grow older. We inconsistently extend irresponsible liberties or set thoughtless boundaries that seem arbitrary. The result of an erratic or unbalanced approach is children who are unequipped to make wise, godly decisions in life. Like in Pinocchio’s misadventures on Pleasure Island, Christians often send their children into the world with a wooden head and a cricket-sized conscience, then wonder why they come back looking like mules!

Biblical Balance

The primary goal of parenting is to grow children into young adults who are able to make wise, godly decisions without the necessity of parental direction (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31). This decision-making ability requires not merely obedience and knowledge, but also wisdom that comes from experience in making decisions. Ephesians 4:11-16 uses the maturing of a person to illustrate the growth of the church. Like church leaders, parents are to equip children for life (4:12), imparting knowledge of the truth as well as opportunities to exercise wisdom to stand strong in a deceitful world (4:13-16).

As children mature they require different levels of protection, guidance, and discipline (Proverbs 22:6; Galatians 4:17; 1 Corinthians 13:11; 2 Corinthians 12:14; Hebrews 12:9). At times it’s necessary to say no (Proverbs 29:15; Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20). However, we shouldn’t needlessly frustrate our children by over-burdening them with legalistic dos and don’ts that stifle individuality or stunt their growth toward wise discernment (Ephesians 6:4; Colossians 3:21). But having no boundaries can also frustrate them by communicating a lack of concern.

Finding the Middle Way

Though challenging, we need to give our children reasonable freedom to make age-appropriate decisions, such as spending allowance, reading books, wearing jewelry, and watching movies, distinguishing clear issues of morality from gray issues of preference. We also need to give children some freedom to make the wrong decisions and face the consequences. Hebrews 5:14 says the mature are those who “because of practice have their senses trained to discern good and evil” (emphasis added). While avoiding the extremes of legalism and license, we must prayerfully answer several questions as we guide our children through the middle way.

First, does the Word of God specifically prohibit the behavior? Protect younger children from dangerous behaviors. Several Scriptures mark clear boundaries of right and wrong
(1 Corinthians 6:9-10; Galatians 5:19-21). Those who have influence over younger children are responsible to protect them, providing reasons for the rules whenever possible. But direct rescues from danger should decrease as children mature toward young adults who begin making decisions on their own. With appropriate words of wisdom from parents and an awareness of the damaging effects of sin on their lives, teens and young adults must learn to make their own choices to obey God’s Word.

Second, what broad principles apply to this behavior? Help your children apply general principles in their decisions. While most choices won’t be determined by explicit commands, the Bible places great emphasis on living according to general principles. We’re to do things out of love, humility, and ultimately to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 16:14; Philippians 2:3; 1 Corinthians 10:31).

For example, your child might want to accept a copied music CD from a friend rather than purchase his or her own. Instead of lecturing, consider asking your child, “Does this choice honor God’s desire for us to be honest?” Gently challenge their decisions, offering correction when necessary and always looking for opportunities to praise them.

Third, will this behavior cause a weaker Christian to stumble? Point your child to the effect his decisions will have on others, especially younger children who may look up to him and follow his example. It’s an opportunity to show how even neutral decisions can affect those who may not be mature enough to handle the same choices (1 Corinthians 8:13).

Finally, what are their motives? Don’t ask your children simply what they want to do, but why they want to do it. This question will help them focus on their hearts (1 John 3:18-22). As they do this, they might discover the pressure of outside influences or internal impure motives (1 Timothy 1:5), and choose wisely as a result.

In applying these principles and giving our growing children room to make choices, we must face the possibility that danger lurks in this freedom. Our kids may suffer consequences that hurt far more than a skinned knee. As difficult as it may be for a parent to allow, there’s no tutor quite like the pain of a poor decision—or the joy of a wise one. The difficult balancing act for the parent is to allow consequences to teach children without letting them destroy their lives in the process.

John and Judy had such a decision to make with Sarah. Having chosen to trust God and allow her to face the challenges of the world head-on, they were relieved when Sarah returned with a keener sense of discernment and a stronger faith in Christ. Like John and Judy, we’ll all face moments when we wonder if we did enough to prepare our children to make wise, godly decisions without us. When you reach this point with your own children, will you be able to look back with confidence and conclude that you equipped them to find the middle way through the midway?

 

Adapted from Michael J. Svigel, “Finding a Middle Way through the Midway,” Insights (October 2004): 1-2, 6. Copyright © 2004, Insight for Living. All rights reserved worldwide.

 

Tips for Teaching Kids Truth

by Insight for Living

1. Tap into Transparency. Modeling Christian truth for your kids doesn’t just mean going to church, reading your Bible, and letting them see all your spiritual bright spots. Allow them to see the dimmer points in your past and present. Without disturbing them with unnecessary detail, be honest about the struggles you’ve endured. Relate to your kids as a fellow frail human being, asking questions, not just giving answers. “How would you handle that, Son?” “What would you have done if you were in my shoes, sweetie?” They will learn from seeing how you handle adversity in the Christian life.

2. Spin Yarns and Weave Tales. Christ told stories throughout His ministry—humorous, emotional . . . even scary stories. And His disciples related to them and remembered the truth they contained. Kids relate to stories too—true stories, fables, books, stories in song. So parents need to make it a habit to read to and with their kids. Tell bedtime stories with characters and conflicts relevant to your kids’ struggles. There may be no better tool for teaching kids truth than narratives that not only occupy the mind, but also impact the heart.

3. Transform “Eye Candy” into “Food for Thought.” Let’s face it: the audio-video age is here to stay. Yet your child’s daily dose of television or radio can be either a brain-numbing drug or thought-stimulating nourishment. Encourage your kids to actively think through what they hear or see rather than passively absorbing it. Ask them questions about characters, conflicts, and resolutions. “Were the actions or circumstances good, bad, or neutral?” “How was the biblical principle applied or the wrong decision illustrated?” Media provides great opportunities to launch into spiritual questions.

4. Sing Loudly and Often. Paul said, “Let the word of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God” (Colossians 3:16). How many of you still remember the songs you learned in kindergarten? In the same way, songs filled with spiritual truth will stick with your kids as they repeat them over and over again. Teaching kids great hymns of the faith, Bible memory songs, poems, prayers, or even creeds can have an enduring impact on their lives. You want to teach your kids truth? Sing loudly and often.

5. Minister with—Not Just to—Your Kids. Hands-on activities often teach better than any other means of communication. Telling kids about faith, hope, and love is one thing. Sharing your faith with neighbors, ministering to the hopeless in a nursing home, or giving your time for the sake of others will clothe bare biblical facts with the fabric of real life. Take your kids on short missionary trips. Bring them to minister in a soup kitchen one day a month. Gather gifts for poor children around Christmas. Family-friendly opportunities for ministry are countless . . . and priceless.

6. Unplug the Microwave Mentality. The process of spiritual maturity takes a lifetime. Don’t expect the profound and practical truths you share to transform your kids into Billy Graham or Corrie ten Boom overnight. Expect your kids to listen attentively to the truth you teach one minute and blatantly rebel the next. Expect them to ask the same questions over and over again without even realizing it. Have patience. Remember, teaching kids truth is not a sprint . . . it’s a marathon.

7. Allow Room to Flourish . . . and Fail. Parents sometimes stifle kids’ questions with critical comments and corrections. Making micro-adjustments to their words and actions might make sense in the toddler years, but older kids need space to think critically, even about their own beliefs. Let them ask the hard questions, providing that you gently lead them toward the right answers. If you snuff out their curiosity as kids, they may think you tried to hide something from them as they get older. Give them room to think, to ask questions, and even to offer up bad answers—all in the safety of your patient and loving arms.

8. Avoid the Dump Truck and the Fire Hose. Kids don’t move straight from baby biscuits to five-course meals. And when it comes to spiritual food, parents shouldn’t try to accomplish too much too quickly. Expose your kids to the basics first. Tell them about the God who loves them, who sent His Son Jesus to die and rise again, and who sent the Holy Spirit to live within us. Teach them Bible stories. Communicate Christian living creatively. There’ll be time for problem passages, difficult doctrines, and philosophical conundrums as they get older and begin asking those questions themselves. Don’t dump all your knowledge on them at once or knock them over with a fire hose of truth.

9. Know . . . but Don’t Be a Know-It-All. Parents need to know and live the truth themselves if they hope to teach it to their kids. You don’t need to come across as a know-it-all or have answers to every potential question ready at a moment’s notice. However, kids can’t learn what you can’t teach . . . and they won’t mimic what you don’t model. Nothing undoes teaching like ignorance or hypocrisy. Equip yourself through prayer, fellowship with other Christians, and Bible study. Be sure that your lifestyle jives with your words.

10. Bend with Their Bents. Every child is unique, with different capacities, interests, gifts, talents, and temperaments. To teach kids truth, parents need to bend their approaches and activities to meet their kids’ individual needs. Don’t keep taking Ms. Bookworm to a ballgame, and don’t force Mr. High Octane to sit through an opera. Do things with your kids that interest them. Carve out one-on-one time with each of your children as they grow. Seek to package eternal truths in age-appropriate ways with enough variety to keep them interested. Don’t let an inappropriate or boring presentation get in the way of communicating exciting truth.

 

When the Bible Sinks In

by Michael J. Svigel

The call to my desk came out of the blue. After a harried introduction to the urgent problem, my wife put my 3-year-old son, Lucas, on the line. He had scribbled on our new living room sofa with a ballpoint pen, and she called me to engage in the uncomfortable ritual of tele-discipline (in other words, discipline over the phone).

“Lucas,” I said firmly, “what did you do?”

His squeaky voice sounded distant, as if he were being forced to hold the phone: “I . . . um . . . wrote on the couch . . .”

“Lucas,” I said, “that’s bad.” What else could I say?

“Yeah,” he answered, ashamed.

Having reached the limits of tele-discipline, all I could do was repeat myself.

“That’s bad, Lucas. That’s very, very bad.”

After an uncomfortable pause, the little voice confidently responded: “Um . . . Jesus died for my sins.”

Simultaneously proud, amused, and annoyed, I could hardly keep from laughing. Like any good Christian father, I had taught Lucas that Jesus died for his sins. But until that moment, I had no idea whether or not any of it was sticking. And I certainly didn’t expect it to surface during a moment such as this.

As a parent, grandparent, or educator, do you ever wonder if your kids are getting it? As you read the Bible to them, tell them stories, or take them to church, do you ever ask yourself, “Is this stuff even sinking in?” And once it takes hold, how do you know whether it will stay?

The truth is, making it stick isn’t our responsibility. Though God has given us children to nourish with God’s Word and to nurture in the faith, whether or not our children bear fruit is up to God’s work in their hearts and lives. Regarding his spiritual children, the apostle Paul wrote, “So then neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but God who causes the growth” (1 Corinthians 3:7).

It may be days, months, or years (or even decades!) before we see their spiritual branches blossom and burst with fruit. And it may not be a lush cornucopia. It could end up being just a few tiny grapes. But God can grow the seeds sown in the hearts of our children according to His plan and purpose. We need to plant or water and let God do the work.

The day Lucas scribbled on the couch, the Bible sank in. He was old enough to know that this action fell into the category of sin. He had been found guilty and was suffering the consequences. Then he remembered that Jesus died for his sins. Those circumstances, which I could never have created myself, made my “theoretical” instruction quickly become practical for him.

So when you don’t see the truth taking root and bearing fruit, be patient. God may not be finished with the work He’s doing.